Polyamory (from the Greek ???? poly ," many, some ", and Latin amor , "love") is a practice, or a desire for, intimate relationship with more than one partner, with knowledge of all partners involved. It has been described as "responsible consensus, ethics, and non-monogamy." People who identify as polyamor reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity is necessary for deep, committed, and long-term love relationships.
Polyamory has become a generic term for various forms of non-monogamous, multi-partner, or non-exclusive or romantic relationships. Its use reflects the choices and philosophies of the individuals involved, but with recurring themes or values, such as love, intimacy, honesty, integrity, equality, communication, and commitment.
Video Polyamory
Terminology
The word
There is no single definition of "polyamory" that has universal acceptance, with the Oxford English Dictionary having very different definitions for the word for the UK and US versions. Although many sources define polyamory as a practice or form of sexual and/or romantic relationships, the North American version of the OED states it as a philosophy or state, and some believe it should be classified as an orientation or identity (such as sexual orientation or gender identity). Most of the definition of polyamory center on the concept provided by the definition of Ravenheart. Different areas arise about the level of commitment, as in the practice of ordinary sexual activity, and whether it represents a relational point of view or status quo (ie, whether a person without a current partner should be considered "polyamorous"). Polyamorous relationships can be open , in which the relational partner agrees to allow a romantic or sexual relationship with another person, or closed , in which those involved are not involved in a specified outside relationship a group of committed partners. The practice of engaging in closed polyamorous relations is sometimes called group mating or polyfidelity.
The terms primary (or primary (s) ) and secondary (or secondary relations (s) ) can be used to show the hierarchy of the different relationships or places of any relationship in one's life. Thus, a person can refer to the spouse as their main partner, and a lover they only see once a week as their secondary partner, to distinguish whose listener is who. While such labels can be used as a tool for managing multiple relationships, some people believe that such hierarchy is unfair, that all partners involved are entitled to equal standing and consideration. Other models, sometimes referred to as intimate networks , include relationships that have different significance to the people involved, but are not explicitly labeled as "primary" or "secondary". In this model, the hierarchy may be fluid and unclear, or absent.
Maps Polyamory
Form
There is a cultural difference between the polyamorous and swinger communities, the former emphasizing the emotional and egalitarian aspects of the plural relationship and the latter emphasizing non-monogamous and emotionally sexual monogamy. A person with a polyamorous relationship may also engage in swings and other open relationships. In addition, swingers sometimes develop deep emotional attachments with their sexual friends. Swingers and polyamorous people alike may be involved in secret affairs, although this is unacceptable in monogamy.
Religion
The Oneida community of the 1800s in New York (a Christian religious community) strongly believes in a system of free love known as complex marriage, in which each member is free to have sex with another who agrees. Stability and exclusive relationships are criticized.
Some people consider themselves Christian and polyamorous, but mainstream Christianity does not accept polyamory.
Kerista is a new religion started in New York City in 1956 by John Peltz "Bro Jud" Presmont; throughout most of its history, Kerista centered on the ideals of polyfidelity and the creation of deliberate communities.
On August 29, 2017, the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood released a manifesto on human sexuality known as "Nashville's Statement". The statement was signed by 150 evangelical leaders, and includes 14 points of trust. Among other things, he stated, "We deny that God has designed marriage to be a homosexual, polygamous, or polyamorous relationship."
Some Jews are polyamorous, but mainstream Judaism does not accept polyamory; However, Sharon Kleinbaum, senior rabbi of the Beit Simchat Torah Congregation in New York, says polyamory is an option that does not preclude conscious and socially conscious Jewish life. Some polyamorous Jews also point to the biblical patriarch who has many wives and concubines as evidence that polyamorous relations can be sacred within Judaism. An email list dedicated to polyamorous Jews, called AhavaRaba , which is roughly translated into "great love" in Hebrew, and whose name echoes the "great" or "overwhelming" love of God mentioned in prayer Ahava rabbah.
LaVeyan Satanism is very critical of Abraham's sexual customs, considering they are narrow, restrictive and hypocritical. Satanists are pluralists, accepting polyamorists, bisexual, lesbian, gay, BDSM, transgender, and asexual people. Sex is seen as a pleasure, but something that should only be freely done with consent. The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth provides only two instructions on sex: "Do not make sexual advances unless you are married" and "Do not harm a child," although the latter is much broader and covers physical and other abuse. This has always been a consistent part of the CoS policy since its founding in 1966, as written by Peter H. Gillmore in an essay that supports same-sex marriage:
Finally, since certain people try to argue that our attitude about sexuality is "whatever happens" even though the basic principle of "responsibility to responsibility" we declare, we must repeat again to dictate the fundamental: The Church of Satan's philosophy strictly prohibits activity sexual with children as is the case with non-human animals.
Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness, founded in 2001, has been engaged in continuing education and advocacy for greater understanding and acceptance of polyamory within the Unitarian Universalist Association. At the 2014 General Assembly two UUPA members moved to include the category of "family structure and relations" in the UD nondiscrimination rule, together with other amendments; the proposed amendment package is ratified by the GA delegate. Although this has encouraged the membership of UUPA, UUA itself has not taken specific action to ensure greater awareness and inclusion of polyamorous people.
Marriage implications
Bigamy is the act of marrying one person while married to another, and is legally banned in most countries where monogamy is a cultural norm. Some bigami laws are wide enough to potentially include polyamorous relationships involving cohabitation, even if there are no participants who claim to marry more than one couple.
In most countries, it is legal for three or more persons to form and share sexual relationships (sometimes subject to laws against homosexuality or adultery if two out of three marry). With only a few exceptions, no developed country allows marriage between more than two people, nor do most countries provide legal protection (eg, rights related to children) to couples who single. Individuals involved in polyamorous relationships are generally regarded by law as no different from people living together, or "dating", under other circumstances. In 2017, John Alejandro Rodriguez, Victor Hugo Prada, and Manuel Jose Bermudez were married in Colombia, making it the first polyamorous family in Colombia to have a legally recognized relationship.
In many jurisdictions where same-sex couples can access a civil union or registered partnership, this is often intended as a parallel institution with heterosexual monogamous marriages. Thus, they include parallel rights, obligations, and limitations. Among the latter, as in the case of the New Zealand Civil Unity Act of 2005, there are parallel prohibitions on civil unions with more than one partner, considered bigami, or multiple marriages/hybrid fellowships with more than one person. Both are prohibited under Section 205-206 of the 1961 Criminal Code. In jurisdictions where same-sex marriage exists, same-sex marriage falls under a series of same legal prohibitions as large heterosexual marriages. Until now, there is no case law applicable to this issue.
Having multiple non-marital partners, even if marrying one, is legal in most jurisdictions of the US; at best it is the basis of divorce if the couple disagrees, or feels that further interest in the spouse has disrupted the stability of marriage. In jurisdictions where trade unions or registered partnerships are recognized, the same principle applies to divorce in that context. There are exceptions to this: in North Carolina, couples can sue third parties for causing "loss of affection" in or "criminal conversations" (adultery) with their spouses, and more than twenty states in the US have laws against adultery though they are rarely enforced. Some countries are asked to review their laws criminalizing consensual sexual activity behind the Supreme Court ruling at Lawrence v. Texas .
Currently, the expansion into multiple legal partnerships using criteria similar to those adopted in the UK, that is, "marrying or living together as married " remains untested. That is, it is not known whether these laws can treat some of the larger trio or group groups as common-law marriages.
If marriage is intended, most countries provide religious marriages and civil ceremonies (sometimes combined). It recognizes and formalizes relationships. Some Western countries provide religious or legal recognition - or permission - to marry three or more partners. While recent cases in the Netherlands are usually read as indicating that Dutch law allows some civil union partners, the relationship is either saturlevingscontract, or "cohabitation contract", and not a registered partnership or marriage. The Dutch law on registered partnership provides it
- a person may be involved in a partnership registered with only one other whether of the same sex or from the opposite sex at any one time.
- the person who entered into the registered partnership may not at the same time be married.
A detailed legal theory of polyamorous marriage is being developed. The "dyadic network" model calls for a revision of existing laws against bigami to allow married people to enter additional marriages, provided they have first provided legal notice to their existing marriage partner. And some jurists believe that the US constitutional rights of the Same Process and Protection fully support the right of marriage to polyamorous families.
Media coverage
During the PinkNews question-and-answer session in May 2015, Redfern's Jon Barrett questioned Natalie Bennett, leader of the Greens Party of England and Wales, about her party's stance on polyamorous marriage rights. Bennett responded by saying that his party was "open" to discussing the idea of ​​a civil partnership or marriage between three people. Bennett's announcement caused a media controversy over the topic and caused the main international news channel covering the answer. A follow-up article written by Barrett was published by PinkNews on May 4, 2015, exploring further the topic.
As a practice
Apart from polyamory as the philosophical basis for relationships, are the practical ways in which polyamorous people live their lives and deal with certain problems, compared to those generally more socially acceptable monogamous arrangements.
Value
- Loyalty and loyalty: Many polyamoris define loyalty not as sexual exclusivity, but as loyalty to the promises and agreements made about a relationship. As a relational practice, polyamory supports multiple open-ended relationships or multi-partner constellations, which may differ in the definition and value of intensity, closeness and commitment. For some, polyamory functions as an umbrella term for some 'non-monogamous responsible' approach. Covert sexual intercourse violating the agreement will be seen as a violation of allegiance. Polyamorists generally base definitions of commitment on considerations other than sexual exclusivity, such as "Trust and honesty" or "getting older together".
- Communication and negotiation: Since there is no "standard model" for polyamorous relationships, and reliance on general expectations may be unrealistic, polyamorists often advocate explicitly negotiating with all involved to establish their terms relationships, and often emphasize that this must be a process of continuous communication and respect. The poliois will usually take a pragmatic approach to their relationship; many accept that sometimes they and their partners will make mistakes and fail to fulfill these ideals, and communication is essential to correct any violations.
- Trust, honesty, dignity, and respect: Most polyamiks emphasize respect, trust and honesty for all partners. Ideally, partner partners are accepted as part of the person's life rather than simply tolerated, and usually relationships that require fraud or a "do not ask do not say" policy are seen as less ideal models.
- Limitations and agreements: The poly relationship often involves negotiating agreements, and setting certain limits, or "ground rules"; Such agreements vary widely and may change over time, but may include, for example: consultations on new relationships; arranging a schedule that suits everyone; limits on the physical appearance of affection in public or among mixed companies; and budgeted the amount of money partner can spend on additional partners.
- Gender equality: Some polyamorists do not believe in "rules" of different relationships by sex (this is arguably contrary to some form of non-monogamous religion, often patriarchal). Sometimes, the first pair extends the existing monogamous relationship to polyamorous, able to adhere to gender-specific restrictions, such as when a wife agrees not to have sex with another man at the request of her husband, but may be allowed to have a romantic and sexual relationship. with women. These terms and limits are negotiable, and asymmetric degree of freedom among partners (not requiring different sexes) is often due to individual differences and needs, and can be understood as temporary in negotiated time frames, until further clearance. relationships can be practical or easy for the parties to handle emotionally.
- Non-ownership: Many polyamorists view excessive restrictions on other in-depth relationships as less than desired, because they can be used to replace trust with ownership and control templates. It is usually frowned upon or encouraged that a polyamorist seeks to see their other significant partner (often referred to as OSO) in terms of profit for their partner's life rather than a threat to themselves (see randomization). Therefore, jealousy and positivity are generally viewed not as something to avoid or the structure of relationships around, but as responses that must be explored, understood, and resolved in each individual, with plotters as ends.
Effects on domestication
The benefits of polyamorous relationships may include:
- The ability of individuals to discuss problems with multiple partners, potentially mediate and thereby stabilize a relationship, and reduce the polarization point of view.
- Emotional and structural support from other committed adults in the family unit.
- Adult experience, skills, resources, and a wider perspective.
- Support for companion marriage, which can be satisfactory even if no longer important sexually, since romantic needs are met elsewhere. This action to maintain existing relationships.
- More emotional, intellectual, and sexual needs meet as part of the understanding that one person can not be expected to provide everything. In contrast, polyamory offers the release of a monogamist's expectation that one must meet all the individual needs (sex, emotional support, primary friendships, intellectual stimulation, friendship, social presentation).
Consequences of custodian
In 1998, a Tennessee court gave a child a guardianship to his grandmother and stepfather after the boy's mother April Divilbiss and his partners placed themselves as polyamorous on MTV. After opposing the decision for two years, Divilbiss finally agreed to release his daughter, admitting that he could not take good care of his son and that this, rather than the polyamines, had become the real motivation of grandparents in seeking custody.
Compersion
Composition (or, in English, frubble ) is a state of empathic happiness and joy experienced when other individuals experience happiness and joy, and by members of the polyamory community in the context of polyamorous relationships. This is used to describe when a person experiences a positive feeling when a lover enjoys another relationship.
The concept of complaints in the polyamorous community was originally created by the Kerista Commune in San Francisco, which also created polyfidelity to describe their relational ideal.
Easton and Liszt wrote that jealousy would essentially happen in an open romantic relationship.
Definition of compilation
- PolyOz - "the positive feelings one gets when a lover enjoys another relationship, sometimes called an opponent or jealousy." They commented that conspirators can co-exist with jealousy.
- The Polyamory Society - "joy in joy that others you love share among themselves, especially taking pleasure in the knowledge that your lover expresses their love for each other".
- The InnKeeper - "Feelings of joy when a loved one invests and enjoys a romantic or other sexual relationship.... Compensation does not specifically refer to the excitement associated with the sexual activity of his partner, but instead refers to excitement in relationships with other romantic or sexual partners This is analogous to the excitement parents feel when their children get married, or the happiness is felt between the best friends when they find a partner. "
- From Opening Up , Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio writes that conspiracy is, in part, "the ability to transform a jealous negative feeling into acceptance, and a substitute pleasure for a lover's joy" (p.Ã , 175).
Philosophical Aspects
In 1929, Marriage and Moral, written by philosopher, mathematician and Nobel Prize winner Bertrand Russell, questioned contemporary ideas about the morality of monogamy in sex and marriage; John Dewey speaks against this treatment.
In the Echlin article on The Guardian, six reasons for choosing polyamory are identified: the impetus towards women's self-reliance and equality encouraged by feminism; disappointment with monogamy; longing for community; honesty and realism with respect to the relational nature of man; human nature; and individuals who do not fit in with traditional monogamous stereotypes. Jim Fleckenstein, director of the Institute for 21st-Century Relationships, was quoted as saying that the polyamory movement has been driven not only by science fiction but also by feminism: "Improving financial independence means that women can build relationships the way they want." Disappointment with monogamy said "because of widespread fraud and divorce". Longing for the community is associated with the perceived need for wealth "complex and deep relationships through extended networks" in response to family replacement and fragmentation by the nuclear family. "For many," Echlin writes, "it is a passion for the community... we have become increasingly alienated, partly because of the twentieth-century replacement of the extended family with the nuclear family, and consequently, many of us are struggling to create relationships complex and deep through an expanded network of extended lovers and families... Polys agrees that some people are monogamous by nature, but some of us do not, and more and more refuse to be veiled into monogamy.
Others talk about creating a socially responsible and socially responsible version of "non-monogamy" - "because so many people are non-monogamous, why not develop an honest, responsible, socially acceptable non-monogamy? It seems odd that having the affair is okay but being open about it is rocking the boat. "
The sixth reason, couples' response to monogamous failure, by reaching consensus to accept additional relationships, is identified by other authors.
Research
Research in polyamory is limited. A comprehensive government study of attitudes, behavior and sexual relations in Finland in 1992 (ages 18-75, about 50% of women and men) found that about 200 of the 2250 (8.9%) respondents "agreed or strongly agreed "with the statement <" I can maintain multiple sexual relations at the same time " and 8.2% indicate the type of" most appropriate "relationship at this stage of life will involve multiple partners. Conversely, when asked about other relationships at the same time as a fixed relationship, about 17% stated that they already have other partners while in a stable relationship (50% no, 17% yes, 33% refused to answer).
What the Professional Psychologist Should Know About Polyamory, based on a paper presented at the 8th Annual Conference of Diversity in March 1999 in Albany, New York, states the following:
While open polyamorous relationships are relatively rare (Rubin, 1982), there are indications that the personal polyamorous arrangements in the relationships are actually quite common. Blumstein and Schwartz (1983, cited in Rubin & Adams, 1986) note that of the 3,574 married couples in their samples, 15-28% had an understanding that allowed nonmonogami in some circumstances. Percentage was higher among couples living together (28%), lesbian couples (29%) and gay male partners (65%) (page 312).
A study by Moors et al. checking "consensual non-monogamy" or CNM (which includes polyamory) in the context of adult engagement, particularly with regard to anxiety (insecurity about partner availability) and avoidance (inconvenience with proximity). The first sample is an individual who is exclusively monogamous who is not informed of the nature of what is being studied, and finds that those with high attachment avoidance tend to see a more positive CNM and are more willing to engage in it (but do not have> actually engage in inside). The authors theorize is "because this relationship promotes distance from their partners and supports their acceptance of sex without commitment and casualness." Individuals with high attachment anxiety tend to see a negative CNM, but no correlation is found regarding willingness to engage in it. The second sample is targeted recruitment for individuals currently involved in CNM relationships. This sample shows a low level of avoidance of attachment, and no correlation related to attachment anxiety. The lack of correlation with anxiety in any of the samples related to the actual desire or involvement suggests it may have little impact on the problem. The large gap in avoidance of attachment between those who want to be involved in CNM and those who really engage in it can not be fully explained in the context of research, but the authors offer several hypotheses. The study also has some limitations, including that all heterosexual subjects, data are self-anonymous reports and a second sample may have suffered from a social desire bias due to targeted recruitment.
In a clinical setting
There is currently little research into the specific needs and requirements for handling polyamory in a clinical context. The important paper in this case is Working with polyamorous clients in clinical settings (Davidson, 2002), which addresses the following question areas:
- Why is it important that we talk about alternatives to monogamy now?
- How do therapists prepare to work with people who are exploring polyamory?
- What basic understanding of polyamory is needed?
- What are the main issues that therapists need to pay attention to in working with polyamorous clients?
The conclusion, summarized, is that "Sweeping changes are taking place in the sexual and relational landscape" (including "dissatisfaction with the limitations of serial monogamy, ie exchanging one pair with another in the hope of better results"); that doctors need to begin by "recognizing polyamorous possibilities" encompassing "and" examining our cultural-based assumptions that 'only acceptable monogamy' "and how this bias affects therapeutic practice; the need for self-education about polyamory, a basic understanding of the "appreciation of the poly lifestyle" and the social challenges and general relationships faced by those involved, and the "shadowy side" of polyamory, the potential for coercion, strong emotions in opposition, and jealousy.
The paper also states that therapist configurations will be "most likely to be seen in practice" are individuals involved in major-plus arrangements, monogamous couples who want to explore non-monogamy for the first time, and "single polyester".
A manual for psychotherapists dealing with polyamorous clients was published in September 2009 by the National Coalition for Sexual Liberation What Psychotherapists Need to Know About Polyamory .
Pre-existing conditions before nonmonogamy
Michael Shernoff cites two studies in his report on same-sex couples who consider nonmonogamy.
Morin (1999) states that couples have an excellent opportunity to adjust to non-exclusivity if at least some of the following conditions exist:
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- Both partners want their relationship to remain the main one.
- This couple has a good goodwill reservoir.
- There is a bit of hatred left over from pain and betrayal in the past.
- Partners are not polarized for monogamy/non-monogamy.
- Partners feel equally strong and autonomous.
Green and Mitchell (2002) argue that direct discussion of the following issues can be the basis for honest and important conversation:
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- Openness versus secrecy
- Persistence and equality versus coercion and inequality
- Clarity and specificity of the agreement versus confusion/obscurity
- Respect to keep the agreement against violating them
- How each partner views non-monogamy.
According to Shernoff, if the issue is discussed with a third party, such as a therapist, the therapist's job is to
involving couples in conversations that allow them to decide for themselves whether sexual exclusivity or not exclusivity works or does not work for that relationship.
Criticism
Difficulty doing research
The complex properties of polyamorie present difficulty in structuring the research into the stability of the polyamorous relationship. For example, polyamorists may be reluctant to disclose their relationship status because of potential negative consequences, and researchers may be unfamiliar with polyamorous behaviors, leading to questions with poor frameworks that produce misleading results.
Symbol
A number of symbols have been created to represent polyamory. These include parrots (puns, like "Polly" are common names for pet parrots) and unlimited heart. The symbol "infinity heart" has appeared on pins, T-shirts, bumper stickers and other media.
Polyamory-Related Media
- TED Talk: Polyamory
- Polyamory in Curlie (based on DMOZ)
PolyAMory-related media coverage
- Polyamory in News (2005-present)
Research and articles
- National Coalition for Sexual Freedom Poliamina Sound Bites Includes some data on the frequency of polyamorous nonmonogami and psychiatric health.
- Kenneth R. Haslam's collection of Polyamory held at Kinsey Institute for Sex, Sex, and Reproduction Research covers a wide range of polyamory-related materials, together with research data.
- Polyographic Bibliography from Kinsey Institute.
Source of the article : Wikipedia
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